Raychell

Cold Complaining

Holiday season seems to feel colder and colder, but this has nothing to do with the weather. Last year I do not even remember christmas, no tree, no money and I dont remember if I even participated in family functions, I would like to think so. This year will be worse, I live with a screaming banchee and can never seem to avoid stepping in her path, I scoot to the bedroom as soon as she walks through the door as to not upset her. I can never tell exactly what will upset her. A dirty knife in the sink, the screen door not closed all the way, my stocking foot resting on the couch, opening the bedroom door in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. All the yelling and screaming, banging and slamming, I have found myself back in a house full of craziness. The craziness all caused by the "adult". I still thank her for letting me stay, money has been so bad that I have no other options... mom and dad are in a tiny cabin with no heat and a leaky roof (seriously! check out www.redponyfarm.typepad.com). I have decided to do what I can to stop the frequent screams (nothing will) and keep to myself, save money and wait until I am out in the streets in the middle of winter, I actually think she kicked us out this morning, I am waiting to find out for sure. Just a little bit more saved up and I will be able to get another place. I miss my heart in the form of a city (Portland) because quite frankly and litterally, Westbrook stinks.

look into my eyes

This is the best picture I have that represents who I am, what I think and what I have been through. I have actually been told that by looking into my eyes they can tell I have an old soul. If I had to guess I would think I have been around this world in a different form before, I even wonder about how that life may have ended. Did I take my own life in my past life? Would I have been given this life if I had? Did I have love in the last life? Am I moving foward or are my lives decending? My next life will either be in the form of a dog or I will reach nirvana. I would want to relive life as a human until I did the things my soul keeps begging me to do, as it is now. My soul screams at me and the way I am living my life write now, my brain turns numb from the pain and keeps the beautiful thoughts and gorgeous songs aside. My eyes see evil constantly, and this I am dead serious about. I can be sitting at work and then flashes of demons, death, torture, and graffic violence flash through my head. I embrace all my differences. When I look into this picture (click on it to enlarge) I see my own amazing thoughts and screams of torture, I see amazing potential and overcome failure. I see a person who is afraid of the simpliest things and laughs in the face of death. I see this person who is going to keep rising to the top at all costs and now officially not giving a fuck about what ANYONE says about it. Look into my eyes and you will see...

Alchemist - Hold you Down